


I Need My Space (AKA Deep Space Whine)

by missjess



Series: One shots of Rory and Jess being in love [2]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rory is a doctor Jess is a spaceman, Space AU, in space no one can hear you pine, seriously it's the stupidest thing I've ever written and I love it, space injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24841783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missjess/pseuds/missjess
Summary: Rory is recommended for a once-in-a-lifetime assignment to be the chief medical physician on a new space station. Surely she won't run into her ex, who just so happens to be a world famous astronaut?
Relationships: Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano
Series: One shots of Rory and Jess being in love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784401
Kudos: 14





	I Need My Space (AKA Deep Space Whine)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this story is the most ridiculous thing I've ever written and I still love it so much. Like it's pretty serious in tone but the concept is just so silly. 
> 
> It comes from a prompt I got and wrote in the year 2014... crazy to think that was basically a hundred years ago now isn't it? Maybe if One Direction reform we can fix the world? 
> 
> The Prompt: "...maybe a Sci Fi fic, with Rory as a medical officer and Jess as a pilot, stranded on a space station? They have a rocky past neither one wants to confront, but being as they are stuck, they have to work together to get through it. One stubborn, the other one bitter, they come to realize that they need one another desperately, to make sense of a lonely world."
> 
> Have fun!

When her boss has suggested a trip to space, Doctor Gilmore had thought she was insane. It wasn't as though she was taking a vacation to Mars to go golfing or anything, it was a very legitimate job that she'd been recommended for. A state-of-the-art space station was being launched and they needed several medical experts to climb on board. The executive board at her hospital was well connected and her name was the first to come up. Six months later here she was, strapped to a chair ready for launch. Maybe her boss really was crazy.

She'd been paired with an astronaut named Keith, who barely stopped to breathe in between anecdotes about his extended family of cats. They were isolated in their own capsule, away from the instructions from HQ that the pilots actually launching the station were listening to intently. They'd break from the Earth's atmosphere in about half an hour, but until then it was a riveting story about the time Sprinkles got caught under the litter tray. As though sensing her discomfort, the ship started to shake. After several anxious minutes of rattles and splutters, they were firmly on their way to the stratosphere.

* * *

It was several weeks into her two month stay before the trouble started. She was busy treating a young female astronaut for a small infection when he walked in. At first she was sure it was an annoying daydream. Being on a space station reminded her of him often, or at least of the person he became after the unfortunate incident. The type of person who joined the air force without a second thought, and was recruited for space travel almost immediately.

"Doctor, we need to give Captain Mariano one of the flu shots. His boss says he was overexposed on his last walk outside and they don't want to risk an outbreak." The nurse didn't look up from his clipboard, missing the comically surprised face of Rory Gilmore seeing Jess Mariano for the first time in five years. Nor did he see the tight control on the face of the Captain himself, trying very hard to avoid looking as surprised as she did.

"Surely you can administer the shot yourself, Jeffrey?" She was regaining her composure, something she learned her first day as a medical intern. You couldn't let the patients know how afraid you were, no matter what.

"Explorer station rules say all medical aid must be administered by a doctor except in an emergency. I'm just here to check temperatures and follow orders," he replied in a bored voice, handing her the case with the flu shots. It was very hard work not to roll her eyes at him, but she managed.

"Come on Gilmore, I haven't got all day." His familiar voice sent a rush of electricity down her spine, but Rory's medical training kicked in and her face remained neutral.

"Probably not a good idea to antagonise the person who's about to jab you with something pointy."

"Well I doubt it'll hurt as much as the last time I saw you, so go nuts."

"Jess!" Rory looked around scandalised, as though her superior would be around the corner listening to every word. For the most part however she knew he was completely justified in whatever he said to her. Things had not gone smoothly on August 26th almost five years ago.

"Look, just give me the damn shot so I can go back to work. Then we can both avoid each other in peace like we have for the last fortnight."

"I didn't even know you were on here!"

"Right, because you've suddenly stopped watching the news after thirty years."

"Do you think I would've taken this job if I knew you'd be on board?"

"No, of course not… you've made it pretty damn obvious that you can't stand the sight of me. Ouch!" Jess winced as Rory gave him the shot, before covering it with a small bandage. The look in her eyes said that she was done with him, and she called Jeffrey over to complete any loose paperwork. At least the nurse was good for something, even if it was running from the man you left at the altar.

* * *

True to his word, Rory didn't see Jess for an entire month. The space station was huge, it wasn't exactly hard to avoid each other. Instead she was kept busy by a constant stream of stomach aches, broken bones and the occasional concussion. Three separate people came to the infirmary with nails hammered into their hands, and one woman was confirmed to be pregnant. She hoped the father wasn't one of the nail-hand guys. It was a perfectly calm afternoon when everything went haywire.

The quiet murmurs turned quickly into panicked tones as several pilots and engineers carried in a pale mess of a human being. With zero hesitation she had them place the man on a hospital bed before pushing it towards the emergency ward, where they kept all the real medical equipment. It was only when one of the engineers started explaining to her about the mess of injuries, caused by a jagged piece of metal and a torn spacesuit, did she realise the bloody man was Jess. She had to fight the urge to collapse on the floor and cry. This was Jess, her Jess, shaking and dropping in and out of consciousness. Instead she bottled everything up inside and took control of the situation. Throwing everyone out of the operating theatre in an instant, she tore away anything obstructing her view of the wounds and got to work. She was a good enough doctor to warrant this position, and today she was going to prove that she earned it.

* * *

Several hours later she collapsed into the chair next to Jess' bed. She'd managed to stop the bleeding, clear out any kind of infection and shrapnel, as well as running tests for possible radiation from exposure to the cosmos. As a result of the latter, they were both to be quarantined indefinitely. Rory was grateful that Jess was unconscious, lest he start yelling at her for past mistakes. Now that he was stable and her heartbeat had steadied, she was able to think rationally about their situation and decided the best course of action was to sit quietly and let him sleep until she was allowed out of the ICU.

"You know…" a nearby voice started groggily, "I've pictured a similar situation before. Except you were in a nurse's costume and the term 'sponge bath' was used quite liberally."

"That actually happened, you dork."

"So it did," he went to sit up, only to be met with a rush of pain around his abdomen. Rory jumped from her seat and pushed him back down with surprising force considering her size, "okay, that stung a little. I've got a few questions about that."

"You were in an accident outside of the station. The major issues were a deep gash in your right leg and abdomen. You've also broken a rib and we might both be dying of radiation poisoning."

"Ah, that explains why you're still around then." He began to prod at his chest, wincing once he found the beginning of the stitches. "Great, now how am I going to walk around shirtless on Miami Beach?"

"You're still living there?"

"Yeah, it's not a bad place to live in between trips up here. I mean, I sold the house…" Memories of their small home flooded Rory's mind, almost making her smile. They'd moved there for her medical internship, after Jess agreed that he could write absolutely anywhere. After a month or so of looking at rental homes they instead found a dilapidated old cottage at a very reasonable selling price. It took months to repair but eventually it was their perfect little place.

"Of course."

"Where'd you end up, anyway?"

"I travelled for a year, mostly Europe. Eventually I got a job offer in Houston and I've been there ever since. That's how I ended up on this ship. The higher-ups knew some people at NASA and put my name forward. So here I am."

"Here you are, saving my life and everything."

"Jess, don't…"

"It doesn't make us even. Nothing you ever do will make up for what you did."

"I know."

"Good. But thanks. How long do you think we have left in here?"

"You'll be stuck with Jeffrey feeding you pudding for a solid week, but I have no idea in regards to the quarantine. It's been about five hours, so it could be between another four and twenty-four. Longer if they find anything."

"Looks like we can't avoid each other after all."

"We can sit quietly. Or sleep. You need sleep, you've just had surgery."

"Sorry darling, but we really need to talk. It's about five years overdue."

"I guess it's better to do this while you're incapacitated so you can't get too mad at me."

"Don't underestimate my powers of silent rage, Gilmore." He paused to grab some water from the side table, only to find that his hands were currently useless for grabbing things. Sensing his helplessness, Rory walked over and opened the water bottle, helping him sip from it slowly. Seeing the pain in his eyes as he gulped she brushed his hair from his face in what could be considered a tender moment. Upon receiving a pointed look she removed her hand from his forehead.

"Looks like your fever's gone down," she lied, knowing it was getting worse. It was almost certain that he'd get worse as the night went on, and considering the limited amount of powerful pain medication they had on board she wanted to use it sparingly. The morphine was a last resort option only to be used if his body went into shock.

"Why'd you do it, Rory?" His use of her first name surprised her. He sounded weak, and she suspected it wasn't simply due to pain.

"I don't know." She wished she had the answer that would ease his pain. An explanation to her departure from his life on August 26th.

"You're going to have to do better than that. I can jog your memory if that helps. Imagine a church full of people waiting for hours with no idea what's going on. Your mother is frantically calling any number she can think of, convinced you've been abducted. Part of me is hoping she's right, because you've never been late for anything your entire life, it didn't make sense. Everyone starts going home, even your grandparents. I think I end up being there for about seven hours. That's seven hours you don't bother to let me know what was going on. Hell, you didn't even tell Lorelai! It wasn't until she got a text from you hours later that we had any idea what happened. Can you not imagine how terrifying that was for me? Has something happened to the person I love more than anything in the world? Nope, never mind, she's just run off!"

"I-"

"You could've just said something, you know? If you didn't want to get married, if you wanted space or something. I was completely in love with you and instead of respecting that you threw it back in my face! Everything was such a mess, I was living in this house we'd built and everything reminded me of you."

"So what, you decided it was time to go on a suicide mission?"

"Guess you still watch the news."

"Well I definitely didn't hear it from mom. She never mentions you. Luke doesn't speak to me anymore. When your name flashed up, I couldn't believe it. You were the last person I imagined joining the air force. But sure enough, it was you, about to go on a mission to the Mars station which only had a 25% success rate."

"Yet here I stand. Not so much standing as laying down right now, but I'm here."

"A true American hero. Parties, parades, and from the looks of it a very chesty blonde."

"You have no rights to any feelings of jealousy."

"What, you guys still an item?"

"We dated for two years. I thought I was falling in love again, and I was amazed I could still feel that after you destroyed me so thoroughly. Until she dumped me, which was fun." He paused for what Rory thought was dramatic effect, until she noticed his vitals were completely erratic.

"Shit!" She leapt from her chair and searched through her bag for any kind of medication that wasn't the precious morphine. It was a few minutes of terrifying work but soon he was breathing normally again, all of the equipment telling her things had gone back to normal. Nothing had scared her more in her entire career as a doctor, including the work she'd done on him the hours before. He was speaking to her normally and suddenly he was gone, it was terrifying.

"Damn it Jess, don't do that to me. At least you're unconscious now, you need the sleep," she muttered to herself as she watched her sleeping patient, "I could use a nap too, but you and your stupid almost dying have..." it was as though saying the word 'dying' out loud had opened the floodgates, and Rory could not stop crying. She'd lost patients before, people with families who she'd gotten to know. But this was _Jess_ , her Jess. The idea of losing him from more than just her life was the worst thing she could imagine.

"Shh… trying… to sleep," Jess struggled to get the words out, and Rory was on her feet in an instant.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry!"

"Come here," she approached his bed slowly, and was surprised when he moved his hand to cover hers, "you saved my life."

"I'm a doctor, I just did what I had to."

"My last doctor didn't cry like that. Then again he was also nowhere near as attractive as you, so it all balances out."

"You're an idiot."

"Thus the five hundred stitches." Rolling her eyes Rory checked his vitals again, very happy to see that his fever had broken. They were definitely through the worst.

"How bad was it, after Mars?"

"Thought I was losing one of my eyes, and a finger or two. Broke a few bones and had a collapsed lung. This feels like a scraped knee after all that."

"I'm still struggling with the image of you as an astronaut."

"That's kind of the point, dear."

"Do you ever think you could forgive me?" Rory asked suddenly, causing Jess' eyes to widen. "Not in a romantic sense, or even to be friends. Just so we could be in a room at the same time, or say hello to each other at Christmas. Could you ever stop hating me?"

"I want to try. I know you regret how things went down, and I know that's all I can possibly hope for. You can't pilot a DeLorean and stop yourself from leaving without saying anything, I need to accept that. It could take a while though."

* * *

About Six Weeks Later…

A mid-July heatwave had hit Houston, which was saying something as it was hot and humid at the best of times. Doctor Gilmore had been swamped all day with patients suffering from heatstroke, though none of them had been severe and should've been treated by a nurse or intern. Unfortunately her hospital had been treating her like porcelain since her return from the space station Explorer, and this had been the longest shift she'd worked in almost two months. Her bosses wanted her to put her feet up and relax, which she had almost done for an entire month (as well as serious therapy to accustom her body to being back on Earth). Staying still was so boring for her, and they allowed her back a few days a week, treating headaches and sniffles until she returned home to her most impatient patient ever.

After being cleared of all radiation-related issues, Rory and Jess had been released backed to the general station population. As seriously injured as he'd been, Jess was now a resident of the hospital wing, antagonising Jeffrey the nurse and healing fairly well considering the circumstances. The space shuttle that was due in a week to relieve Rory of her duties and introduce fresh medical staff would now be taking him home as well, which annoyed him. He had a feeling this would be his last journey into space, and now it was being cut short by several months. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about undergoing post-interstellar travel rehabilitation with Rory, though that was soon to be the least of his problems regarding her.

The medical team were only comfortable releasing him into the care of someone else. It was mostly due to psychological reasons, with their team knowing Jess' history when it came to situations like this. Jess considered his options, though they were few. He couldn't imagine forcing his company onto Luke and Lorelai, with it being their last summer with their son before he started school. All his friends were married or had children, or were travelling to Argentina for the foreseeable future. He didn't know that Rory had already signed the papers, or that he'd be spending the next few weeks living in her shoebox of an apartment in Houston.

The night before had presented Jess with a clean bill of health, and he planned to get out from under his ex-fiancée's feet as soon as possible. Rory was fairly certain that meant the next day, so she was almost grateful for the mollycoddling that allowed her to leave work at three in the afternoon, determined to say goodbye to him at the very least.

Driving home, it hit her that she hadn't realised how much she'd missed having him in her life. They laughed at so many of the same things, and had a conflicting opinion on books that could keep a conversation alive for hours. The last few weeks were awkward, and stilted at times, but she was so grateful for her moment of insanity at the Kennedy Space Center when she signed those papers. They'd begun to heal their relationship, whatever it was. The weeks had not gone by without their share of underlying sexual tension.

Jess meanwhile had put off packing the entire day. He knew his stay in Texas had come to an end, and he couldn't pretend that the freedom his life was offering him now wasn't exciting. He'd found a flight for Hartford the next morning, though he hadn't told Rory. She probably thought he'd be gone by the time she got home from the hospital, and the thought had crossed his mind. He decided it wasn't fair on Luke and Lorelai to show up with no notice, and it wasn't fair to himself to leave this place without the closure he'd needed for five years. As though reading his thoughts he heard the slam of a door and Rory Gilmore's voice echoing through her sparsely decorated living room.

"Jess, are you still here?" Silence. "Figures. Surprised he didn't skip town the second he got his stitches out."

"Well I was considering it, but I'm kind of homeless at the moment."

"Miami?"

"My lease was up a week into my journey of the final frontier."

"Where are you going then?"

"The first stop is Stars Hollow, to bask in some childishness. But enough about Lorelai, my family's there too."

"Wow, you're hilarious."

"I try."

"Tell them hi for me, maybe? If that's not weird, I guess?"

"Oh it'll be weird, but I'll do it anyway. I've got a flight to Hartford tomorrow."

"That's good." The awkward silence that fell was not new to them.

"Look, Rory… I just wanted to say thanks, for everything. You saved my life and kept me alive these last few weeks, even though it made us both uncomfortable. Even though you think I hate you."

"Do you?"

"Do I what? Hate you?" She nodded. "I tried to, I really did."

"Can I ask something that will make us both really uncomfortable?"

"Might as well. Hell, this might be the last time we ever see each other." When the words slipped out he found himself knowing that it wasn't what he wanted. The idea of never seeing her again hurt, just when he thought he was done hurting over Rory Gilmore.

"How long was it? The period between finding out what I did and the moment you closed your heart to me. I know this is hurting you, I'm so sorry, but I need to know. When was too late for you to take me back? Was it straightaway, or a day, or-"

"A year."

"A- wow. Why?"

"Because I loved you, Rory! I knew if you walked in the door and said you were sorry I would've kissed you right then and there and all would be forgiven. A whole fucking year of hoping and wondering what I'd done wrong. Asking Lorelai where you were, but she always changed the subject."

"I wanted to come back. Not the same day, I was running on adrenaline then. But the next day, I was in my car driving back. Then I realised what a mess I'd made and I drove the other way. Told myself that I'd see you soon, try to explain myself. Not straightaway, while everything was fresh and hurting. But the more time I went by the stupider I felt about anything I had to say. Eventually I knew it was too late, and gave up. That was about three months later, when I was in Spain."

"Three months wasn't too late."

"And now?"

"Rory…"

"Jess, there's nothing else I can do to say I'm sorry. I wish there was, but there isn't. But this thing between you and me, it's still there. You know it is. We're older now, maybe it's time-"

"I don't know if I could trust you again."

"That's how I felt when you left when we were eighteen," she saw him about to protest about how that was an entirely different situation, but she put her hand up to silence him, "I'm not saying the two compare, I'm telling you how I felt. It hurt me, more than I probably ever told you, but the trust was rebuilt. We screwed up as kids and separated, became better people for it. I'm not excusing my actions, but what if we are better people now? Older, wiser and not messed up scared people trying to act like adults when we were completely terrified?"

"This is a speech that would've been useful five years ago."

"Okay, how about this. I love you, Jess. I'm still in love with you, I probably never stopped. The time we spent quarantined, the last month or so, it made me realise how much I need you in my life. I've missed you so much, you have no idea."

"I could probably guess." He stared at her intently, from her watery eyes to her hands which were flying around as she spoke. Taking a deep breath, he chose his words carefully. "We have to talk a lot more, and it will suck. You need to let me know where your head was at five years ago, give me a chance to understand. But right now I just want to kiss you and forget about everything."

It was five years' worth of pent up emotions and love built into a meeting of lips. Oblivious to all other thoughts and feelings of betrayal, shame and sadness the two held each other tightly, not daring to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> So in my original idea Rory died of radiation poisoning! Glad I decided not to do it, though it would've been... a choice.


End file.
